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The Stupid Homepage

practicing deception and chicanery since 1994

"On Spatula Online, Emmanuel Lewis can do what he wants without being hassled by THE MAN."

And you can hear our nifty new welcome .WAV without having to wait 50 zillion hours to download new "art"! [approx 100K]

This page is the result of numerous minutes of tinkering with HTML and Paint Shop Pro and other shareware graphics programs 'cause I'm too cheap to get Adobe Photoshop, all so that when I meet my maker and talk to whatever deity or deities rule the afterlife, I can claim that I've done something constructive with my free time. You know, memento mori and all that.
Here is a concise, easy-to-comprehend listing of the things you can do and see during your limited, inconsequential time upon this planet. Have fun!
Random Stuff - The VCR clock, Mug Page, and others!

The Stupid Archives - Text files galore!

The Bacon Sandwiches page - the worst band you never heard!

Stupid Web Tricks - See Perl. See Perl run. Run, Perl, run.

Spatch's friends - links to those who do not work at Central Perk

spatula@retina.net - I've got my eye on something! (whatever THAT means.)
While gecko won't take finger requests, you can always give me this finger to see if I'm currently logged into the ISCABBS. And if I am, feel free to go over there and send me eXpress messages asking about the UMASS Minutemen - everybody else friggin' does for no apparent reason.
The Stupid Homepage was brought to you today by the letters R, N, and by the Volant TurnPike(tm).

Awards? Well, we've been designated "Useless" by The Useless URLs, and also are in the Top 5% of All Internet Sites, thanks to Point Communications. Fanks, Easter Bunny!

All work herein is copyright © 1995 spatula@retina.net unless specified otherwise (like if there's somebody else's name at the top of the document. Duh.) So there, Johnatha Erinn Cadogan-Mayer.

Filmed in Shadowramma(TM)
[Marc Andreeeeeeeeesen sux] This page made the HTML 3.0 checker cry.
[KILL YOUR TELEVISION] [FULLY COOKED BACON]