Stupid Web Tricks
So I looked over my links, taking out all the old stuff, keeping in the
good stuff. So there. And now, I've revised even more. Here, we can
categorize as thusly:
Keen stuff Good stuff.
Huh? Be afwaid. Be vewwy afwaid.
Games Stuff I play far too much.
Yes, as you can see, I can categorize just as well as those corporate admen running one of those Pandering-To-Generation-X websites. However, the difference between them and myself is about $1,000 a month.
Might as well mention these first, since they were among the first pages
I found on my first foray into the Web. I took one look at the truly
useless things folks would put (this was right around the time
Paul's Hot Tub gained notoriety) and ever since I've vowed to try
and make something that would appear on 'em. Then I do, and when I do
I'm off getting drunk in France and I don't notice it until ex post
facto. Ain't that life?
Please note that the fact they gave Ye Stupide Homepage their
"Useless Personal Homepage of the Year" award for 1995 has nothing to do
with the fact that they're tops on my links page. They always were. No
mutual ass-kissing here.
Now that I think about it, this was a site I visited before I visited
the Useless Pages. Probably had a link to them at one time or another.
Since I'm maybe-kinda-sorta local to MIT, and have heard of their wacky
exploits for ages (I personally witnessed the
Turn-The-Building-Into-An-VU-Meter hack back in '93, though at the time
I had no clue what was going on with the lights) I offer this unto you
because it's just too keen for words.
This has got to be, hands-down, one of the funniest laugh-out-damn-loud
sites I've visited in quite a while. The premise is simple: Take a
Family Circus cartoon and add your own clever caption, twisting and
distorting the images and the meaning into an entirely Ugly Area. View
the results other folks have left! (Scene: Dolly is pointing to the cat
asleep on Daddy's briefcase. Caption: "...and then I said to Billy, 'Do
you really think I took my medication if I stapled Kittycat's head to
Daddy's briefcase?'") Oh, and if you do decide to contribute your own,
please please please please please please
keep the stupid incest jokes to a
minimum. Just don't even go there.
How To Make 45 Old Ladies Curse Simultaneously Dept.
The Bingozone
I admit, I play this in my spare time. Not so much, though. It's free,
and, well... CRIPES, IT'S FREE, OK? SHUT UP! I'M GOING TO
FOXWOODS!
Blatant Blatant Blatant Self Promotion Dept.
My own page on
Yahoo
Somehow I managed to get a category on Yahoo for MYSELF! I don't know how
I got it. It's weird. And scary. But I don't mind! NO
SIR!
If you must, go and check out the BBS where I at one time spent quite a
few of my waking hours. It can be a pretty crappy place every now and
then, but it's all-around good. I think. I used to date one of the
sysops, but I was never privy to any of the sysop sekrits. Well, not MANY.
This Isn't Superstition, It's Pyromania Dept.
Egyptian
Ratscrew
By golly, folks put the darndest things on the Web, and this is no
exception--a page devoted entirely to that bastard son of War,
Egyptian Ratscrew. This card game (much simpler than explained)
is a dandy way to waste time -- during one production of Guys And
Dolls with which I was involved, a backstage game started halfway
through the first act, through mutating and changing (players leaving,
losing their cards, or slapping in to begin in the middle) the game could
have lasted far beyond the end of the show, but everybody had to stop and
strike the set. Go fig.
This page, I guess, is dedicated to those folks like me who tore up the
stoopid clown templates that came with our Lite-Brite sets and made our
own silly designs (not to mention a few choice words we had just
learned) along the way. Forms fun for everyone!
Live Fast. Play Hard. Die With Your Helmet On Dept.
The Lego homepage
Ut oh. Someone got in copyright troubles here. Bad Lego company. You
get no biscuit. You take away our joy and our fun. And our happiness.
LEGO IS GRINCH MAN. BAD LEGO.
Even though Andy's probably dead and gone, there are still those who
think he just faked his death for a laugh. Surprisingly enough, I
wouldn't be surprised if he does come back as a surprise. However, I'm
not gonna wait around for the Second Coming of Kaufman on pins and
needles. In the meantime, you can read all sorts of nifty tidbits about
Andy, his jokes, his bizarre stunts, his wrestling career, and, of course,
Latka.
Running Faggot Dept.
Scottland
First off, don't get uppity with me over the Department title. If yer a
Kids In The Hall fan, then you recognize the reference. If not,
shut up anyway and visit Scott Thompson's web site, running on his own
brother's computer, as it were. Scott, a damn funny person whose
current steady job is a role on Larry Sanders Show, has his own
virtual world, which is something I know we all would like to have,
especially one with a Queen and Buddy Cole as Prime Minister.
Hooray! Cancelled by that rat bastard Comedy Central, MST3K has come
back, blazing like a phoenix, on the Sci-Fi Channel, which greatly
respects them and their work. Their Dominion web site is great,
especially the "Caption This!" where you add your own MST3K captions to a
real-time Sci-Fi Channel snapshot. Woo.
Clock, Check For Babes Dept.
TinyTIM
I remember a magical time in which I attended a TIM convention or
get-together or whatever they call 'em, I inhaled an entire helium
balloon and proceeded to demonstrate, a la Suzanne Somers, the
ever-powerful Thighmaster. Aah, those were the days. Can't
relive those, but one can always go back to the place that's inspired so
much mayhem. TinyTIM. Live it. Or something.
Yes, these remarks are witty, fashionable, and always in style, perfect
for yourself or someone you love. Try one today!
I've finally decided the Kooks Museum is far more disturbing than funny,
but that's no fault of Donna Kossy's. Here you'll find the most
paranoid, deluded, egomaniacal mind-warped individuals outside of the
United States Congress (Ha! Ha! Political humor is FUNNY!) and,
I don't mind telling you, it's a bit scary. While there is mention of
Usenet's own "Joanny-Pony", Joan L. Brewer, I figured you might
want to see her
homepage before you view the others. This woman is in definite need
of antidepressants, stat.
Joan L. Brewer won once, Canter and Siegel helped start the movement,
countless other only wish they could win: What is it? Why, Usenet's
Kook Of The Month award, of course, voted by you, the viewers!
Here's a history of the kookiest of all kooks, accompanied by the
cluelessest of the clueless newbies, and the trollingest of the trolls.
La la la, here we go.
Is it mere coincidence that not a few weeks after Wal-Mart establishes
its homepage on the Web, several nearby mom-and-pop webpages have had to
go under? I don't think so, you don't think so, the American people
don't think so, gargargargar(TM; Tjames
Madison).
Hi, boys and girls! I'm Larry Litigator and today we're going to learn
about how big corporations like the Otis® Elevator corporation try
to absolve themselves of liability in the case of accidents! How?
Well, boys and girls, let's just say that after you've read how to ride
Otis® Elevators safely, if you get in an accident in an Otis®
elevator, it'll be your fault 'cause you should have known
better! Isn't the Merkin Legal System FUN?
At first I thought this was a chance to help Cindy Crawford improve her
own concentration, maybe help her forget that awful Charlie
commercial, but as I realized it was designed to help me lose my own
concentration, things got a bit ugly alla sudden. However, I was so
assured to know that once I won, Cindy thought I was "so smart!"
P-p-p-p-p-pow! Dept.
Maelstrom
Hi, I'm Spatch, and when I'm not crashing Macintoshes I'm
busy playing Maelstrom, the hip update of
Asteroids. It's like Asteroids, only cooler, and it's for Mac only.
Well, with Linux ports as well, but can't play it on the PC. So, when I'm
on a PC, I play...
Subspace is like Asteroids as well, only it's multiplayer all across the
Internet, and instead of blowing up rocks, you blow up people from all
over. Well, maybe they have rocks in their heads or something, but it's
them all the same instead of a bunch of rocks. It's addictive and it's
really truly evil, and DAMN FUN. Oh boy.
The end.
to
the Stupid Homepage.
This page was last updated: far too early in the morning for anyone's good.