Spatula, Inc. presents
While this document does not advocate extreme spelling flames, especially in the case of one misspelt or badly punctuated word in an otherwise brilliant post, it does serve as a tool for those who flame certain individuals who seem to have flunked all spelling tests in Elementary School. It's also fun.
[-1] Stupid or misspelt username.
This will make everything a bit more coherent at the end.
CYBERMONKY CLAUSE: Score may not be given in the case of name abbreviation. cybermonky@aol.com could not fit the entire word "monkey" into his/her name because of a 10-character username limit.
[-5] Poorly-attributed quoting, OR quote attribution but no real quote
most users on AOL in replying will get this point unless they know how
to cut-and-paste
[-5] beginning of sentence not capitalized (see?)
[-5] Two words were puttogether
[-10] Apostrophes werent used
[-10] Two sentences not spaced properly.
You need two spaces after each sentence end in a conventional
monospaced-font document, and even though a lot of folks are using
proportional fonts, they're still obligated, when posting to Usenet, to
BOW DOWN TO THE ORIGINAL USENET TRADITION and follow this, albeit
archaic, rule.
[-10] A comma was used wrong,either by a lack of space
or, putting the comma where it doesn't belong
[-20] Run-on sentences are used you will get penalized if you use them!
[-20] Pathetic attempt at argument / rhetoric
[-25] Not capitalizing the I in Internet
[-25] Referring to a "newsgroup" as a forum, BBS, area, room, or anything else that is not spelled n-e-w-s-g(f)-r-o-u-p
[-25] Making lame "Information Superhighway" metaphor
e.g. "on-ramp", "pit stop", "Picking up roadkill along the ISH"
[-25] Poster begins follow-up with obscenity
[-25] Excessive use of smileys
[-25] Flaming someone whose smiley has/doesn't have a nose
:-)vs
:)
[-25] Excessive use of obscenity
[-30] So much obscenity it'd make a drill sergeant blush
[-30] Attempt to disguise obscenity in a flame group with ASCII
eat sh|t you f*cking a$$hole!
[-45] Improper usage of monetary symbols
25$ or 25 $$
[-50] Misspelt obscenity you fucken asshol!!
[-50] Posing a question but not using a question mark.
Doesn't that just bother you.
[-50] Excessive use of exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(add -5 for each exclamation point that is a '1')
[-50] Poorly-attempted forge
[-75] Referring to the Internet or USENET as "The Information Superhighway"
[-75] Confusing the USENET with the Internet
Get those pornographic postings off the Internet!
[-75] SHOUTING THE ENTIRE POST.
(B1FF5PEEK clause: Should the post be in B1FF5PEEK in a satirical context, only a flat score of -10 should be given at the flamer's discretion, since B1FF5PEEK, along with anything by e.e. cummings would send the flamer's computational work through the roof.)
[-100] Posting something that obviously should have been email
(Add [-200] if said post/email could be alleged as erotic)
[-100] Quoting a long article only to add one line (or nothing) at the end
[-100] Given any time the lines of the poster's .sig is greater than the lines of the actual article
[-100] Writing a follow-up with no quotes and no context
"I agree", "Shut up", or "Fuck you" are popular contextless posts
[-100] Referring to the Internet as "The Infobahn"
[-100] Asking a question commonly found in the FAQ
[-150] Asking "I know this question is in the FAQ and/or has been asked a million times before BUT..."
[-200] Me too!
Or any variation thereof
[-X] General cluelessness
NOTE: This score is a variable score, depending on several things, most notably the actual cluelessness of the poster and the mood of the flamer.
Remember, this document is not to nitpick occasional slip-ups, but to trash the flagrant violators. Have fun! Comment, suggest, distribute, all that but keep spatula@retina.net SOMEWHERE in this post and make sure you let everyone know he wrote the damn thing.
...else beware the wrath of a capybara scorned.
Additions and improvements always welcome.
La la la.
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