As the opening guitar riff blasts, the OBS logo appears and the word 5TUP1DZ rolls across the scene.
SHOT:The cast of the show all sitting on a large ottoman, but not large enough. They all have umbrellas and try to open them. Only Flapjack succeeds and it winds up stuck in Ross's eye.
MUSIC: So no one told you life was gonna be this weird
SHOT: The cast tries to clap together and fails miserably. Ross socks Flapjack in retaliation for the eye.
MUSIC: You're a big frog, you say "mog"
Your mom just grew a beard
SHOT: yaz pistachio holds a tray loaded with cappuchino at a cute angle and the cups all fall off.
MUSIC: It's like you're always writing in haiku
SHOT: Nosy dancing with Spatch around a fountain, then he pushes her in.
MUSIC: When you make a post by Will Shakespeare and claim that it was by you
SHOT: Suzanne Schroeder is lying with hair over her face. She flips it off at it gets caught in a rotating fan.
MUSIC: alt.stupidity
SHOT: Ross Garmil socking the crap out of someone who used the word "Elvestite" without permission
MUSIC: Guota-filled and all-new
alt.stupidity
SHOT: Flapjack smiling as he posts another witty troll. Then three guys from alt.flame come in with dictionaries to show him the definition of "spoonerism." Flapjack shoots them.
MUSIC: Bob Vila, just for you
SHOT: Spatch tries to dance so no one will notice (I know this isn't funny to the rest of you, but I was in the "Too Darn Hot" number from "Kiss me Kate" with Spatch, trust me, it's hilarious).
MUSIC: alt.stupidity
Like you'd say that one too...
SHOT: Everyone is sitting on the ottoman again, backs to the camera. They are facing a giant picture of Bob Vila. Nosy tries to switch off a lamp, she misses and knocks it over. In leaning to reach it, the entire ottoman tips and everyone falls off.
SCENE 1: Central Pork, the cool bacon bar where the stupids hang out. Everyone is gathered around. YAZ PISTACHIO is the waitress bringing them bacon.
YAZ: Hey guys. I don't see why I have to wait on you.
NOSY: Sorry. You're new to the group, rule state that you have to endure a period of indentured servitude.
YAZ: Did you have to Ross?
ROSS: Sure, I had to babysit Bill Wilkinson's clones for weeks!
FLAPJACK: Piece of cack! Just give 'em some mouth figurines to play with and they're happy!
SUZANNE: Yeah, um, a little less talk, a little more bacon, okay?
NOSY: (gathering all but SPATCH around) Hey guys! Have you noticed that Spatch hasn't had any lines this episode?
YAZ: Maybe he's depressed because his wife, (L)aura, ran off with Magnus Mulqvist.
FLAPJACK: Lord knows that would depress me.
SUZANNE: Hey, can't you men people go talk to him?
FLAPJACK: Gee Ross, are we men?
ROSS: I thought we were Muppets.
FLAPJACK: I thought we were Elvestites. (ROSS socks him)
ROSS AND FLAPJACK: Yeah, we'll do it. (they cross to SPATCH)
ROSS: Hey Spatch? Why so blue?
SPATCH: I'm not blue.
ROSS: You're bluer than a blue M&M.
FLAPJACK: Blue M&M's! Where? Where?
ROSS: This about (L)aura isn't it?
FLAPJACK: It could be worse, it could have been Vikram.
ROSS: Hey, you still have your little monkey, cabbage, at home.
SPATCH: Actually, it's not about that. It's about. . .
ROSS AND FLAPJACK: Yaz?
SPATCH: I just really like her user name, okay?
FLAPJACK: And I think Suzanne's is really cute, but I don't let my bacon get cold thinking about it!
SPATCH: It's just that, ever since my sister, Nosy, and I were in high school with her. . .
ROSS: Okay! That's enough!
SPATCH: What?
ROSS: Parodying "Friends" is one thing, but this is just a bit much! Spatch and Nosy aren't siblings!
FLAPJACK: Whitegoat and I are sisters.
ROSS: That's not the point! We're just ripping off the show here! We didn't even give credit to Marta Kauffman and David Crane!
SPATCH: Are you familiar with the word "monomaniacal?"
ROSS: And another thing! How come Spatch gets to be the Ross character? Isn't it gonna confuse people to have one character named Ross and another one who's based on Ross?
FLAPJACK: Shut up, or we replace you with Nafziger!
CUT TO COMMERCIAL.
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