From ??? (if you know send me mail!) A month ago I was in the same situation you are now: rooting around in garbage cans for food, wearing a burlap sack for warmth, and training sewer rats to pick up pennies and bring them to me. But this changed when I found this fool-proof way to make money quickly and easily! This pyramid scheme actually works! Trust me! Here's what you have to do:

1. Book flight to Egypt (if you can't afford it, stow away on a Liberian cargo freighter).

2. Sign up for a tour of one of the great pyramids. Before you go, buy a large carton of gatorade.

3. Be the last person in the group.

4. As you are leaving a particularly dark tomb, call the tour guide over. Tell him that someone spray-painted "Tutankhamen wuz here" on one of the pyramid walls, close to the ground.

5. As he bends down to look, clunk him over the head with his own flashlight. Strip him and wear his clothing.

6. Tell the tour group that there's one last pyramid to visit.

7. Lead them out into the Sahara desert. Watch them start to dehydrate. When nobody's looking, take a swig of your gatorade.

8. After the last tourist falls to the ground, loot their corpses of wallets, pocketbooks, and jewelry. Sell the jewelry in some back-alley pawnshop in Cairo. Keep the money.

9. Go back to the pyramid and wait for the next tour group.

Yes, I've already made as much money as I could off this pyramid scheme, so I'm letting YOU, the loyal (if none too bright) readers of alt.stupidity in on the secret. Keep in mind that it's not wise to continue following this plan over an extended period of time. Even if the authorities don't catch you, eventually someone else will come to Egypt to do this, and clunk you on the head with your own flashlight.

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