Bacon Sandwiches FAQ

This guide was compiled by Jason Nafziger from various official sources, namely himself, Spatch, Steve Heckman, Jesper Nillson and Kaj Groner. Any corrections or additional information should be shoved up YourCrack@ass.com. Thanks!!
Click on the question YOU want answered and the computer will do the rest. Maybe.
  1. Who are the Bacon Sandwiches?
  2. Why are the Bacon Sandwiches?
  3. What do the Bacon Sandwiches do?
  4. How are they?
  5. When will the new single be released so I can request that my local station not play it?
  6. Why did the chicken cross the road?
  7. [Question Seven has been banned by the FCC]
  8. What is question number eight?
  9. What makes question nine different and/or better than qestion eight?
  10. Is this really question ten, or is it question eleven trying to slander the good name of question ten?

And now, the answers

1) WHO are the Bacon Sandwiches?

The Bacon Sandwiches are a bunch of stupid people who get together and attempt to make music by playing with various instruments, banging on drums, and sometimes electrocuting themselves while gargling with Listerine (if that'll be musical). They've been together for -354125 years, during which time they've spent extensive seconds, maybe even minutes refining their musical genius with just a dollup of butter.

The Bacon Sandwiches are as follows:

and many other people too numerous to munch.

2) WHY are the Bacon Sandwiches?

Because, you narrow-minded dolt.

3) WHAT do the Bacon Sandwiches do?

Post to five million damn newsgroups shamelessly self promoting themselves and their music. Most of the members are currently offering squeegy service at a stoplight near you. Kaj can be found roaming aimlessly through the back alleys of America from midnight to five.

The Bacon Sandwiches have been bumped from over seventy-nine thousand national television appearances in a little under three days. Sometimes, when they're really bored (read: always), the Bacon Sandwiches will march down the street shooting unsuspecting squirrels (also chipmunks, regular monks, constipated monks, lemmings, lymes, etc.) with sawed-off shotguns. They also enjoy Quik.

The Bacon Sandwiches claim to have 500 zillion gigs under their collective belts when in actuality this number is about 3. And even that's probably stretching a little.

However, they are pleased to announce the kickoff of their Fall '94 Tour, titled the "Put Down That Ticketmaster Rep Tour":

Watch for the immediate release of a live triple CD entitled "Put Down That Shameless Cash-In" and the official concert video "Put Down That Betacam Before We Call Security"!!!!!

The Bacon Sandwiches will be making the following TV appearances this month:







4) HOW are they?

Very fine, thank you.

5) When will the new single be released so I can request that my local station not play it?

The Bacon Sandwiches will not be releasing any new singles, 'cause they think that will make them cool like Pearl Jam. The Bacon Sandwiches are constantly trying to be cool like Pearl Jam. Why do you think they named themselves after a food product?

6) Why did the chicken cross the road?

Shut up, dolt.

7) [BANNED]

8) What is question number eight?

Question eight is none of your damned business.

9) What makes question nine different and/or better than qestion eight?

Boy, you are REALLY a friggin' dolt, aren't you?

10) Is this really question ten, or is it question eleven trying to slander the good name of question ten?

Actually, it's question twelve trying to get question eleven in trouble with question ten. So plot that one on your Cartesian graph.

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